WarCraft: The Epic Movie

August 23rd 2007 Posted to On The Other Hand. .

Gamers; Warcraft fans; P.S.A.

I once was lame, and though that the South Park meets World Of Warcraft episode was the highest this game could reach. Maybe a custom themed W.O.W chess game for Christmas and that’s good to go. Oh no.. not at all. Did you assume the movie they announced for 2009 was all… that would be it?

Blizzard has big, big plans for the future of this series. All these years, we have all have been raised to love Blizzard Entertainment and the games they have provided. You know the shortcut to build a farm, you memorized the maps and know what gold mines to send your mass arm of Peon’s too first, and you definitely know what the Warcraft Cheat Code “There Can Only Be One” does. Some of you twisted gamers probably have a few female Warcraft game characters you prefer over what you could find at a local pool-hall, mall, or pub. I know, rejection can be harsh. Blizzard sympathizes, since the majority of World Of Warcraft players fall into that category, they want to meet half way.

World Of Warcraft The Movie

In the first movie to ever attempt to cast a shadow of a dwarf and an elf over The Lord Of the Rings trilogy, Blizzard Entertainment is going to make a high budget, epic trilogy based on the extremely popular gaming series of Warcraft and W.O.W. (aka World Of Warcraft). It will be filmed in the great mountains of New Zealand, and will be directed by none other than the acclaimed Peter Jackson. The World Of Warcraft Movie, trilogy.

World Of Warcraft Movie Goblin Sapper

Yep, this is the real deal. Your dreams have come true. You can go spread the word on all your World Of Warcraft forums, you can dream of what a female elf will look like, what characters you hope they incorporate, ponder if they will graphically represent an Undead Abomination as well as they developed The Lord Of the Rings Characters for the movie and so on. Will they move through the stories like the games did? Is Blizzard budgeting and planning this, or is Alec Baldwin a closet Warcraft addict? The story line details? I have all the answers.

No I don’t. Seriously I really don’t. I haven’t gotten that far in my web of lies and deceit. Sorry for the waste of time.

I have good news though, I just saved a ton on . . . . . nope, that would be a lie to if I finished where it was headed. Go back to gaming, leave a comment.

:)

Warcraft Movie Suggestions

In all seriousness though. Maybe this is the real P.S.A. Shouldn’t the movie be a huge epic trilogy? Shouldn’t it have a huge budget to afford great graphics, good writers, and a great director? Here is a small snippet of what I think the movie should include.

  • Director: Martin Scorsese
  • Only one ending for the third and final movie, not 34: You suck Peter Jackson.
  • Female Elf #1: Jessica Biel
  • Re-create Hobbiton from Lord Of the Rings, and have a horde of Orc’s come in and toss the Hobbit’s around, gnaw on a few heads, smoke the villages stock of sweet pipe-weed. Of course by now, Samwise a fat, lazy drunkard, and get’s a big womanly Orc’s attention, & the Orc’s just take craps all around the village. They find a gold ring with ancient elvish writing on it and eat it. Minor indigestion ensues.
  • Dwarf: Played by Cartman from South Park
  • The wicked-cool character who hooks up with Jessica Biel: Me.
  • Lots of @w3$0m3 fight scenes.
  • Only fans can be extra’s; leading to the nerdiest cast of all time award.
  • Tupac is the Gangsta Human Race messenger
  • “Paladin’s! Tonight, we dine… in HELL!”
  • Easter eggs friggin’ everywhere: How else is it to really gain a cult following? Gotta captivate all the Warcraft gamers and get them to watch it 45 times in the movie theaters and blog about it.
  • Ancient Mid-evil product placements.
  • Mostly, I just want the chance to go make fun of the people waiting in the movie line in full Warcraft costumes. I have a little hunch that Warcraft The Movie lines would would OWN (pwned!) Harry Potter, Lord Of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, Pirates of the Caribbean, and X-men movie go-er dress-up addicts.

    • Have your own? Leave ‘em in a comment for others to read, you have probably been getting bored of the forums and chats.

    Share This

    Comments

    1. Sam
      August 24th, 2007 | 3:49 pm

      Great googly moogly! Nice post.

    2. Dlay was here FIRST
      August 28th, 2007 | 4:33 pm

      you are such a one-upper!!! of all the low-life scumbag things to do…

      PS - your site looks like Updog…

    Leave a reply

    Close
    E-mail It