One of the comedians that I have really enjoyed is Brian Regan. The first time I watched his “I walked on the Moon” DVD I laughed so hard I almost cried. I bought a couple copies of the DVD and gave it to friends and family. My family especially loved him. His humor hits home because his jokes about real life things, which me and pretty much everyone raised in America can relate to. He has a clean humor and manages a whole set with out cussing or discussing the usual comedian dirt.

One fact of life, is that I go to the hospital pretty often. I don’t want to, it just happens. Brian Regan re-tells one of his experiences going to the ER which has forever changed the way I view my experiences in the hospital. I could be in the worst pain imaginable, but when the Nurse asks me to rate my pain, I at least crack a smile and usually bust up laughing.

I not only recommend his DVD and Audio CD’s, but I think everyone should become well acquainted with his stuff. You can get it as well as fan gear through a website devoted to Brian Regan called allregan.com which also happens to have many videos of his comedic skits so you can preview his stuff.

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Think of the most impact-ful, global-effecting events which have taken place to this point in 2007. If you immediately start thinking of the release of the iPhone, LED TV’s, Vista, Ghost Rider, Quantum Comps, Snakes on a Plane DVD, Taste Of Chaos Tour or if you even think of such vast impacting things as Senator Clinton’s Presidential ambitions or even the re-design of Fruit Roll-ups you have it all wrong, dead wrong.

Elgor, son of Arthos, son of Bametrix, Son of Maximus Decimis Surealist has summoned us all for the reckoning, or rather just to tell us that the one of America’s lowest life forms has now gone absolutely nuts. We knew she was crazy back when she married someone who was absolutely white trash, “Life comes at you fast K-Fed” and then actually had two kids with him. We most definitely thought she belonged in a turd farm when she repeatedly admits going to rehab centers (even while pregnant), or when she threw up all over herself in a club. For everyone who hates the pop world and everything it represents, she has been someone we make fun of, maybe not as much as Jessica Simpson (I had a can of “chicken of the sea” for dinner the other night BTW) but Britney Spears has really made me question where America really prioritizes the news we hear about. What has she done to remind me yet again that America cares more about our blond pop-stars than it does about a War we need to end, the millions of people still displaced from disasters, or the Department of Defense’s multiple attempts to convince us we need another 1300 nuclear warheads?

Enter: Bald Britney Spears. The News has been almost impossible to watch this past weekend because every story was about how America’s dream child went to rehab yet again, quit after a day and then decided to shave her head and get some more tats. Sure, she can do what she wants with out me really caring, it’s always enjoyable to have a celebrity be absolutely bonkers. I do kind of hate it though when this is all people care about and talk about on the news. It is not news. It is something I will really enjoy watching being made fun of on Conan, Kimmel, Stewart and Colbert. Inside I secretly wish celebrities lose all their marbles and doing the dumbest things we can imagine, because it feeds the comedians. They love it, and I enjoy their shameless side-splitting jokes about it.

I guess the funniest thing about the whole event, was actually Britney WANTED the press and fans to be there. Everyone has been suckered by another celebrity catching the news stations off guard and praying for another spread in the Enquirer, Star, Globe, Examiner. Prepare to see that bald head every time you go to the gas station or grocery store check out lines. Which gives me a break from Tom, Angelina, Rosie, Donald, Oprah, Brad, etc etc. She needed another stint to be in more tabloids and be the center of our news. She did an amazing job of it to. Sure the Paparazzi follow her all the time, but why did she choose to shave her head PUBLIC? Decided against doing it at home? Be serious. She’s staring at the camera man in the picture above and is happy everyone is going to be obsessed with her yet-again. She’s doing the same thing every pop-star before her has done: Make money; get famous; do absolutely ridiculous stuff. In retrospect, I have to say she has done something right though, since here I am writing about how stupid she is, guess I have been duped.

You hear Anna Nicole died?

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It comes around once a year to taunt and remind me. “Jon, you are single!.” Fact is, I always do the exact same thing on this day, as I would on any other normal day, which may or may not be unfortunate for me. On occasion I may get all the ’single’ guys together to do something ‘fun’ which, never actually ends up being fun but at least it is something to do I suppose.

The greatest reminder as this day comes around, is the fact that I have actually managed to stay single EVERY Valentines Day since I turned 16, and as it comes around again, I think of all the fun I never had on Valentines Day’s. Achieving the single status 8 years in a row on this particular day has been no easy feat. I have had to dump girls, ignore phone calls, run away to different states, pretend to be sick, get arrested, and even invent pretend girlfriends.

None of that is true.

I have never done anything to intentionally be single on Valentines day as it turns out. I might be single right now, but it isn’t intentionally to escape Valentines festivities.

I find it funny how it is one of the few days where all the single guys I know call me up and want to make solid plans to do something because they too are reminded how single they are. Hanging out with a bunch of dudes on valentines day is probably just another reminder of the day’s purpose. Anyone ever try to go tract as a missionary? It was not only pointless, but we pissed off a fair number of people. The mission president didn’t think we should treat it like any other day, and I had an anal-retentive companion at the time, so door to door we went. I was just lucky I spent the the first Valentines on my mission in the MTC…. not. That wasn’t healthy either. The good things about Valentines Day from my perspective? The candy. Peanut Butter filled heart shape chocolates and chewy conversation hearts are fantastic. What candy is even better? Red Kit-Kats with strawberry flavored filling. Yea buddy. Everyone in the world, send me red kit kats and peanut butter filled chocolate hearts right now.

This is my experience. 8 years of watching a movie on the 14th of Feb. What have all you single people done?

< venting >sandy< /venting >

UPDATE:

I went to the store to buy strawberry kit-kats on clearance, and one of the co-workers mislead me and I spent all night last night eating regular kit-kats that LOOK like they could be strawberry but are in fact NOT.

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This- is a depiction of what Boston P.D. thought was the real scenario behind the recent bomb scares.

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The most updated and current information we have on the bomb threat in Boston with the Aqua Teen Hunger Force ads.

Jack Bauer has been called in to do what he does best; stop terrorists while ignoring due process and human rights laws.

We have had a film crew following his meticulous terrorist stopping routines. The video of this is below.

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On the table of things the Federal Government wants to do, we have an operation called Divine Strake. The purpose of this event, is to explode 700 tons of ammonium nitrate and fuel oil (ANFO) at our neighbor’s nearby Nevada Test Site. Yes, it’s a proper noun. You may or may not recognize the ingredients for the bomb. It was Timothy McVeigh’s choice of materials for a building in “OOOOOklahoma, where wind comes sweepin’ across the plain”. The current claim, is that the government wants to find out exactly how much it would take to destroy an underground tunnel/facility space for the Hard and Deeply Buried Target Defeat (HDBTD) program. This would be the largest non-nuclear conventional explosive test since 1993. The majority of U.S. tests in the early 90’s have been on 18 ton explosives of this same material. Divine Strake, nearly 40 times that amount is being detonated to ’simulate’ a low level nuclear test. We don’t want to actually blow a Nuke up and piss of the UN, Russia and even more American’s.

The Divine Strake test is being done on location at the exact spot where a few hundred nuclear tests were conducted during our Nuclear growth stage. It is considered one of the most highly radioactive area’s in the world. Problem: Blowing up a non-nuclear 700 ton bomb that is designed to pummel bunkers on this site, does what to the radio-active compound the entire site is made up of? When Salt Lake ABC News questioned the US Government division in charge of this, they confirmed that the mushroom cloud would in fact bring radio-active material across the US, and that this cloud would reach most of UT in its initial expansion over the first few days.

Governor Huntsman is soon heading to Washington to oppose Divine Strake in person. Though we just recently got cable TV at our house, the news was filled with Anti-Divine Strake segments this evening when I sat down to watch. After being introduced to Divine Strake for the first time tonight from a few different news agencies, I actually thought it was a massive nuclear bomb that was going to kill everyone in UT from the effects, and that the US Government has been hiding many facts and truths about what the real purpose is, and how it would affect us. Conspiracy . . blah blah . . Bush sucks… blah blah; the usual. It was really quite amazing to watch as these news anchors incited ‘group think’ rather than deliver ‘fair and balanced’ information on the subject. My favorite part of the evening was watching the channel 4 ABC local news anchor get emotional in trying to convince Utah residents to do what ever they can to stop Divine Drake with a very routine, generic practiced speech against the bomb by talking about our responsibility, “I’ll stake my professional career in taking a stand” type of usual cud. It was very moving except I saw this type of speech in Independence Day and Dave. Rather than make me sympathize with the issue, the news anchors put me in a situation that made me feel like I was being told to vote for Hillary Clinton because she is a good hearted, unbiased American who will represent what everyone in the country wants, when the truth is really quite the opposite.

I turned to my good friend Google, and asked him if I could find some of the truths about the upcoming planned explosion.

Interesting Divine Drake Fact: Lee Benson wrote an article for one of the public hearings just over a week ago on the subject of what dangers we face. He stated “It bothers me to hear of people worried about trivial or nonexistent amounts of radiation, and what we’re talking about in this case is a level of radiation so small it should realistically be called zero.”

He continues: “According to quotes from the (government’s) official draft assessment, the most radiation a person could receive standing next to the test site boundary during the explosion is estimated to be 0.006 to 0.007 millirem, while off-site populated areas would have an exposure two to five times lower still. That is 40 to 100 times lower than the 0.1 millirem level established by the EPA as allowable exposure (at the Nevada Test Site) under any conditions.”

This is quoted from the perspective of someone standing at Site 16 in the Nevada Test Site when Divine Strake is blown. Apparently, a dental X-ray exposure is about 100 millirems. Oh, and the US doesn’t make anything large enough to deliver 700 tons of liquid explosives. The closest thing is a space shuttle external tank.

I suppose another interesting fact would be that there have been around 100,000 various cases of cancer in people who spent routine time near and around the Nevada Test Site, caused by the Governments 900 nuclear tests at that location. Idea numero uno: Don’t got to ground zero. Regardless of the face that this bomb is non-nuclear, I don’t need front seats anyway. LV- good. NTS- bad.

Point: I wish the news would have spent more time telling me what Paris Hilton is doing or what American Idol gossip there is. Not really, but it’s all about the same usefulness to me considering how much the news channels didn’t know or didn’t want to tell us. It felt like the News here in UT was really just wanting something to be mad about, and were happy that such a big story was taking place here. Well… in Nevada really, but don’t tell them, they are enjoying it. There was so much talk about what people in the area feel like (based on what information they had or what the news channels had told them), and pretty much nothing on the reality of the situation.

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Here is a list of my favorite pranks that have been pulled in the TV show The Office. I have used some of these as inspiration for things me and my co-workers have done in the office where I work. The hardest one to pull off for me thus far and… well really the only one was The Office Jello Prank that I did using a co-workers stapler. These pranks and videos to follow these pranks are in no particular order.

* The Faxes from the future. Before Jim leaves the Scranton office, he takes a bunch of Dwight’s stationary. From his new office, Jim sends Dwight faxes on this stationary and makes him believe that the future version of himself figured out a way to send faxes back in time. The future Dwight (actually Jim) sends Dwight a fax that says “Dwight, At 8 AM today someone poisons the coffee. Do NOT drink the Coffee. More instructions to follow. Cordially, Future Dwight”. Obviously an idiot saturated with the idea that he could actually eventually send faxes back in time, tackles Stanley before he gets the chance to drink any coffee.

* Jim puts a macro on Dwight’s computer to type “diapers” instead of when Dwight tries to type his name.

* Jim puts Andy’s phone in the ceiling and calls it, completely confusing Andy as to what could have happened to it. It was an awesome prank. A co-worker did this to another co-worker the day after the episode aired.

* While Michael Scott is away for vacation to Jamaica, Jim runs an office meeting. Dwight busts out a tape recorder because apparently Michael wants transcripts of the meetings. Obviously annoyed by the mere existence of Dwight, Jim starts saying things to be recorded that aren’t actually happening in the meeting. “He’s got a knife! Let the record show that Dwight K Shrute is now completely nude holding a plastic knife to Stanley’s neck.”

* The CIA Letters. Jim and Pam send Dwight letters with CIA letterhead saying they are interested in recruiting him for a top secret mission. In order to qualify, he must tell the CIA every secret he promised to never tell anyone. “Secret: Last year my boss Michael Scott took a day off. He said it was because he was sick but really it was to go to Magic Camp.” Afterwards, Jim as the CIA tells Dwight that he is needed at Langley and to meet for a helicopter pick up on top of a building. The Office writers were pretty creative about this one. Especially when Jim sends Dwight a text saying “You have been comprised. Abort mission, destroy phone.” which follows Dwight actually tossing his phone off the building.

* The Vending Machine Prank. Jim takes may of Dwight’s belongings like his name plate, stapler, pen cup and his wallet and has the vending machine guy put them inside the machine, so Dwight Schrute actually has to buy them back with a sack of nickels Jim gives him. One by one.. nickel by nickel.

Last but not least at all:

The Office Jello Prank

Jim puts Dwights stapler in Jello. This may be the original prank that started the all the pranks they have done on The Office. The writers knew it was a huge it- and frigging hilarious. So they have increased them more and more often. This is also the prank I did to a co-worker a little while back. The Office Jello Prank was a hit, and I documented the whole thing with amazingly crappy photos on the link I provided.

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How I came up with the name. A Brief history.

The name I have used for 8 years now for my e-mail addresses, chat rooms, this blog if your are less than intelligent, branding of every kind, professional ghost writing, cooking recipes, college applications, cartoons, and more . . . has a brief story behind it that needs to be told. Well, it actually doesn’t need to be told for any other reason except to further ensure the term ownage on search engines. Let’s face it, there are 345,831 searches on the internet for AREALLYGOODNAME every single day, I mean every minute.

8 years ago, I was at a bowling alley with some friends, I mean I was in a wicked knife fight. Everyone was coming up with names to represent themselves on the screen up above, I mean inscribe on their blades. I seriously wanted to choose the best name since everyone was picking cool ones like ‘Iron Man’ and ‘Princess’. Princess was of course not a good bowling name for a dude, ugh…. knife fighter. Not to be out-done, I sat in a stupor of thought. I diverted every ounce of energy I had into thinking up a really good name.

The rest should be self explanatory. AREALLYGOODNAME isn’t entirely branded as mine and my own on the internet yet. There is a Digg user and some xanga whatever users that have it up here and there. Mostly, the only real person searching for it is myself.

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